2. BAPTISM OF THE SPIRIT

 Note to reader:  Postings 2 through 8 are a chronology of my "bizarre experience."  I'll label them with a significant encounter in each posting.

     A few years ago in a state of extreme repentance for some reprehensible language I later couldn’t understand how had come from my mouth, I was on the verge of a very self sacrificing act. While in an episode of obsessive thinking from obsessive disorder I’d let in by years of hating my father, exacerbated by 3 or 4 beers, I had made a hideous statement to an ex of my new wife.

     I was going to make a sign and wear it 6 miles through a medium sized town, “I called a black man a n****r, spelled out.  I’m sorry.”  I didn’t care if people threw rocks at me or shot me for that matter.  I didn’t care if I died.  I was trying to humble myself before God and man to show true repentance for horrible behavior and salvage my marriage to a beautiful woman which was falling apart.  This particular man was an ex of my new wife and I was the step father to his two young sons half the time.
     I couldn't understand how this had come out of my mouth.  I didn't think I was a racist, at the time was mentoring a bi-racial young man as a construction helper on one of my jobs.  I was honored when he'd told me I reminded him of his black father because of my work ethic and character.  

     Thinking about my behavior later, as I described in Introduction, it was like my consciousness was there witnessing it, but not in control.  Many people with the malady obsessive disorder manifest this type of episode and act irrationally.    
     Unfortunately I’ve seen a strong spirit of denial in the lives of those I’ve known, they think they’re fine and won’t get help, but my behavior was undeniably bad. 

     Obsessive disorder varies from obsessive compulsive disorder in that it involves only circular thinking vs. circular thinking accompanied by repetitive behavior.  Is this a mild form of demonic possession?  Nothing like in the movie The Exorcist but a lesser version perhaps? 

     I had bought the material for the sign and was going to paint it and wear it the next day unless God made it clear to me He didn’t want me to do it.  On a long drive home from an out of town job, God touched me and left me with the message that I shouldn’t do this.  “Thanks for being willing but I don’t want you to do this.”  I didn’t hear words but received that message.

      I felt an incredible peace and feeling of well being, all these big issues were falling into place.  Every thing I was so stressed about was going to work itself out.  
     The best way I can think to describe the experience I had is a bit crude but I would say the incredible feeling of peace was orgasmic in intensity.  Prior to this experience I didn’t think heaven without sex sounded like too much fun but God had just given me a glimpse of something better than sex.  OK, I get it God, I think I might like heaven now, if my faith is strong enough you decide to let me in.

      When later discussing the experience with a spiritually gifted mentor, he asked me if I was holy enough to climb up on the cross with Jesus because that’s what I was trying to do.  

Edit: I just read that one of satan's fallen angels will cause us to try to atone for our own sin vs. accepting Jesus's love and forgiveness that comes with repentance.  

    Jesus already paid for our sins he told me.  Sure I owe the man amends but don’t need to sacrifice myself to the world. 

     For about 2 weeks after the experience, I seemed to be cured of obsessive disorder which had been going crazy in my tumultuous new marriage with 2 exes, 4 kids and other concerns.  I thought I was healed of this spiritual illness but it crept back. For months after, all I wanted to do was talk about Jesus, read my Bible or listen to Christian music. 

     I later read and was told by my brother who’d undergone the same experience that what I’d experienced was a “baptism by the spirit.”  My brother had drawn close to God with fear of imminent death from bladder cancer.  He had a complete recovery, maybe with help from God. 

     Thus began a bizarre several months of life during which word of knowledge came to me from several sources, I witnessed miraculous healings and the spirit gave me knowledge or instructions during quaking experiences I had.  There were also four trips to jail over a trigger incident my wife imagined and a messy divorce I didn’t want.  I dug my own hole with the legal system because of my outrage at being locked up when I hadn’t done anything, but had been reported to the police over a bad dream by my wife who had a guilty conscience at the time, and her own set of issues. 

     During this “bizarre experience” I distinctly heard from God several times.  I was a manly man at the time, a hands on builder with my own heavy equipment, I worked out daily and regularly went on 100 mile plus bicycle rides in the Rocky Mountains, but didn’t present a manly appearance when the spirit would come on me. 

     My experience was similar to that experienced by the religious sect called Friends, from which they got their nickname Quakers which they are more commonly known as now.  I would quake, lose strength, sometimes fall to the floor and uncontrollably sob and moan.  Afterwards I’d feel refreshed, invigorated and spiritually connected to God. 

     Once it happened in the gym and I hid in the showers, (really God, here and now?  This is embarrassing.)  I couldn’t stop crying or keep these moans from coming out.  That time I received a message that I was through being my new wife’s scapegoat and that my life was about to get much better.  I thought it meant that afternoon but God’s timing isn’t ours and I questioned God during the experience I was about to go through, which became the worst 3 years of my life.  At this editing, life is getting good again.
     Months later I googled “baptism in the spirit” and found an article by Matt Slick of Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry.  As he describes his experience and opinion about the baptism by the spirit, we who have experienced it aren’t super Christians, though we often receive tongues  or some other gift afterwards.  I didn’t get tongues but had a small experience with prophetic insight regarding a family situation.      I may have the gift of prophesy but haven’t seen much of it yet though have been told, (3 ½ years ago at this writing), by other connected sources that I had it and would be getting more.  I’ve been living way outside of  God’s will so haven’t heard from Him for 3 years.  At this editing, my sinful relationship is over and I’m starting to hear from Him again.  I think my purpose is to write a book.  Oh yeah, I guess a blog would work too wouldn’t it? 

     I think we’re in end times and that major chaos will soon be breaking out.  Mainstream churches have it wrong and I think God wants the word spread. In my opinion Tim 3:1-5 also describes churches, not just people as the verses read, “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days.  People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money,…having a form of godliness but denying its power.”  Have you seen any miracles in your church lately?  If not you need to find a different church. 

     1 Cor 12:11 says about the gifts that “All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.” So there seems to be some arbitrariness as to who gets what determined by the holy spirit. 

     As Matt Slick explains about those of us who’ve had the baptism vs. those who haven’t, it’s like someone standing in a mist vs. someone in a torrential downpour.  They both end up soaking wet, it just happens faster for one of them.  His description of his experience is identical to mine, “an insatiable desire to read God’s word, to hear praise music and to speak of Christ.”  I knew I’d had a significant spiritual experience, after reading that I knew what to call it.